I’m not sure why I have been on this big introspective kick lately, perhaps because I’ll be done with my MBA in a little over a month, but I figure I may as well milk it while it is fresh. More recently than in the past, I have noticed how readily people equate your career or profession with who you are. For instance, I recently listened to someone relaying information about a few individuals they met earlier that day and was struck by the fact that only their professions were mentioned. At the time it felt a little odd, but I began to notice in the weeks following that most people truly ’size’ others up in a similar manner.

I’ve worn many hats over the years but most people who have met me in the past five to ten years will call me a photographer. While the moniker may be fitting (I also own a photography company and am a professional photographer), hearing someone say, “This is Peter, he is a photographer,” almost makes me cringe. Sure, I take photographs every once in a while and happen to be paid to do so, but when I think of myself, of who I am, a “photographer” is the last thing that comes to mind.

I’m a father, a husband, a friend, a critic, an entrepreneur, a student, a teacher, a skeptic, an artist, a writer, a thinker, and so much more. When people call me a photographer, they are describing a very small fraction of who I am (and what I do with my time) yet nearly everyone I know compartmentalizes me as such. I don’t think that is to imply that people don’t really know who I am, instead, I think it speaks to how we choose to relate to one another. Professions and careers are simple to understand and communicate. It is far simpler to introduce me as a photographer than it is to provide even a brief overview of what really makes my clock tick.

But is there fault in relating to one another in such a surface manner? I think there is considerable fault if we are not given additional opportunity to see what really lies beneath the descriptors, “doctor,” “lawyer,” “teacher,” “mechanic,” etc.

Shouldn’t we relate to one another based on what we stand for? Isn’t that a more accurate measure of who we are? Isn’t there a deeper connection with another person when you ask the what they believe in, what their passions are, what moves them to tears, and what can pump adrenaline through their body with unbridled conviction?

So, who are you?

TAGS: Life | Career | Profession | Passion

I’m wrapping up the end of my latest Father & Son day and have had quite a lot of fun. We’re in Santa Barbara today and I had the distinct pleasure of watching our son while my wife spent the day photographing a wedding. He’s almost eight and a half months and is growing a lot (he’s 20 lbs. now!). He might just be having an early height growth-spurt, but it appears that he is definitely going to be much taller than me. I also think he has more spunk and curiosity then I did, and wonder if that is going to make the “teen” years more or less pleasurable than they were for my parents.

Somewhere in the middle of taking a long walk, climbing the stairs together, napping together, playing with all of his toys, and chasing after our dog all afternoon, I had quite a bit of time to reflect on life, family, and work. I’m a fairly content person, but I haven’t smiled as much as I did today in quite a while. I’m sure any parent can empathize as the littlest things will make your mouth crease.

What I realized today, beyond the fact that I haven’t been smiling as much as I’d like to lately, is that purpose in one’s life and career is not only important for direction and sanity, but perhaps also essential for the happiness and cohesion of your family. Personally, I see every moment that I’m focused on work (physically and mentally) as time I could be spending with my wife and son. And if I’m going to be spending a large chunk of my life focused on work, wouldn’t I want it to be so fulfilling as to warrant the time and emotional commitment?

Accordingly, a lot of my contemplation time today centered on finding more purpose in my professional life. In the process, I came up with a few questions that helped guide me a bit:

• Is my career simply about making money, or does it also adhere and advance what I am passionate about?
• Is there anything else I can be doing professionally, in relation to the things I care deeply about, that I am not already doing?
• Can I incorporate more work with non-profits or more purpose-focused companies?
• Is there anything about my professional life that contradicts my personal beliefs?
• And most importantly: Is the time I spend working worth the time away from my family?

TAGS: Purpose | Work/Life Balance | Career | Family

My wife and I are trying to work in a lot more routine family time together and with our son instead of simply making do with the free time that crops up. We had previously discussed exploring Paso Robles today, which is about 20 miles North of us, and went through with our plan despite my hacking cough and 102+ fever (yes I’m a bit loopy, and yes, I’ve been complaining about being sick all day).

The time together was great and we still managed to get our work done when we returned home this evening. I know this is nothing new (in fact, I suppose it is akin to the “Pay yourself first” principle), but putting family and happiness first in no way inhibited our ability to deliver on the “work” we had at the top of the list. In a weird kind of way, I think it actually made our work a bit more fulfilling—perhaps due to the fact that we weren’t allowing our professional lives to suffocate our family time. By the time we sat down to get the rest of our priorities done, we weren’t thinking about what we were missing, or if we spent enough time with our son, or if he was happy. We knew he had a great day and that he knows that we love him—so when we shifted over, there was nothing getting in the way of productivity. I’ve definitely been one to steam over how much a project or assignment is impacting my family time in the past, and I can’t tell you how much better this feels.

I don’t know why I feel the need to post some of the photos we shot, perhaps because my head feels really hot, but here are a few from earlier today:

TAGS: Family | Father | Son | Happiness | Priorities

My son passed the 6-month milestone 10 days ago, yet it has taken me at least the past week to grapple with how quickly he has grown. It seems like only a few weeks ago he was this fragile little baby that would fall asleep in my lap while I studied for class. Today he is bright and energetic, wanting to have some kind of activity at all waking moments. He’s a wonderful, beautiful, sweet, determined young man that is truly the best gift I could have possibly imagined.

I’ve been missing out on a lot of little things while in class, working, traveling, and hunkered down in front of the computer. He’s been saying, “Da-da-da-da-da…” for a week or two now, and I am convinced that I am going to be away from home the first time he says, “Daddy.” I have control over  that, of course, but the prospect of dropping out of school, leaving my business completely untouched, and never leaving my son’s side until I hear him say the magic word just doesn’t seem too logical. Perhaps this kind of dilemma and discomfort are part of the grand scheme of parenting. Maybe I’m supposed to go through these moments of regret and guilt now to prepare me for the realities of how my relationship to my son will develop over the years.

One of my greatest fears is that I won’t be the kind of father that my son deserves. I suppose all dads worry about that, but knowing that they too go through the same plight helps about as much as having a shovel in a blizzard. As each day progresses and my son and I grow older together, I want to have more time with him, not less. And I want  each day to bring more simplicity and calmness, not greater complexity and chaos. Where does one go to find that kind of norm?

If all dads worry about the same fate, why do we all spend so much time chasing the wrong things?

Here are some photographs we took of Caleb in the last week:

You make me proud Caleb – I love you very much.

TAGS: Father | Son | Life | Priorities

Merry Christmas everyone!

I wish you and your family the best on this very special day.

God bless,

Peter

TAGS: Christmas | XMAS | Holiday | Santa Claus

It has been a while since I have posted about my son specifically in the context of “On Being a Father…” but I’m ready now.

The past few months have been incredible and utterly exhausting. I finished the Fall quarter of my MBA program on Friday afternoon and promptly attempted to have a proper celebration with my wife and son. The late night sleep interruptions, seemingly constant distractions that managed to appear whenever I had to write a paper, the baby+school+business work load, and the dwindling of my ability to be patient in direct correlation to how few hours I would sleep each night, all finally came to a close. I make it sound more dramatic than it was, but honestly, during my last week of school, I averaged well in excess of 4 cups of coffee per day.

The most disappointing thing for me over the past few months was how little time I was able to spend with Caleb, watching him grow, loving him, teaching him new things, and just being a dad. It felt like every time I was home and free from school work or trying to grab a few hours of sleep, either he was too grouchy for quality time, or I was. Thankfully, I still made an effort and managed to spend some time with him every day, some days far more than others. Admittedly, some of it was not as pleasant as it could have been, Caleb at the end of his patience, crying every few seconds, and me well beyond my capacity to handle such communication, holding him out to my wife for periodically increasing breaks.

Nonetheless, while I remember many such challenging times, many of which happened between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am, I also remember the really happy moments. There were the times when I would catch him smiling at me when I wasn’t paying attention to him. My heart would melt in an instant, and we’d coo and laugh together for a bit until he became bored and needed a change of environment. Or the first time he started cuddling when I held him. I remember one morning when he insisted on having some interaction at 4:30 am or so — I carried him around the house tidying up, making coffee and eggs, cleaning the kitchen, and kissing him on the head. The whole time he was utterly content being held and watching what we were doing together.

But it wasn’t until yesterday morning that my emotions finally hit a zenith and really smacked in the bottom. We had just arrived at church for the 11 o’clock service and I found myself extracting Caleb from his car seat within a few minutes. Our strategy of seeing if he would sleep through the service needed to be re-evaluated already. He seemed content though, and I was happy holding him, even if I had to stand and rock him the whole time.

At the front of the church there was a large stage area to which a group of young adults and children started to filter down the aisles and flock to. Caleb had fun watching the people pass by and head down the aisle. As seems customary during the holidays, we were treated to a number of songs, all of which were far more entertaining to watch than to listen to (the youngest children were masterfully singing and doing a free-form rendition of chaos theory with their arms, legs, bodies, and vocal pitch). Everyone was smiling and each song received a boisterous applause. It was perfect.

Then came The Little Drummer Boy (iTunes link). I am not sure how many of you have heard the song before, but I guess it was a big part of my childhood holiday memories. As soon as the voices from the front of the church started to make their way out across the congregation, tears started to well up in my eyes. I pictured myself sitting in front of a 1980’s record player in our living room all by myself, looking at the album cover, and playing the song over and over and over. It seems loneliness was a big part of my childhood, at least in my memories.

As the music built and the voices became more sure of themselves, I found myself clutching Caleb closer, kissing him on the head, and letting the tears flow. I was overcome with the combination of some weird childhood longing while simultaneously being so utterly attached to my son. I was unbelievably happy and deeply sad at the same time. I kept thinking about all of the times Caleb and I have had smile wars, trying to see who can smile the biggest and for the longest period of time (he always wins). Or about how much I loved holding him, at that moment, standing there in the back of the church, rocking him side to side and crying quietly.

From the tears came a kind of strength and determination. I knew in that moment that my biggest fears about being a poor father were never going to be realized. I felt in that moment that nothing could pry Caleb out of my arms or stop that feeling. I am now certain that those moments are going to be many in our relationship, that I will always be there for him, no matter what, and that nothing can stop that.

Nothing.

I love you Caleb.

Merry Christmas.

TAGS: Family | Christmas | Church | Father | Son

My son is mobile now…

…happy four month birthday Caleb.

Love,

Dad

TAGS: Father | Son | Baby | Infant

I was reading Ben and Jackie’s blog, Church of the Customer, and learned the sad news that Peter Drucker passed away yesterday. The New York Times has a pleasant article in today’s edition, which does a nice job of noting many of Drucker’s achievements. He will be remembered fondly by many, and will continue to inspire for many years to come.

TAGS: Peter Drucker | Drucker | Management | Business

What can I say… This has to be one of my favorite photographs of myself, and probably entirely due to the fact that my son is in it with me. My wife took this last week, just after I turned 28 and just before Caleb turned… 1/5th? Hmmm… 10 weeks. There are a lot more photos from our trip on our photography company blog if you are interested.

TAGS: Father | Son | Parent | Family

If you read this blog regularly, you may have noticed that there hasn’t been much new content during the last three weeks. I’d like to blame that on the very intensive set of classes I just completed, but… well…hmmmmmmm. Yes, it was because of the classes. They wrapped up this afternoon around 3pm and I slept from 3:10pm until 7pm. And yes, that was the first quality sleep I have been able to nab in over two or three weeks.

I have a lot of thoughts on the two classes, the experience, what I learned (and did not learn), as well as some thoughts on how it affected my ability to have quality time with my family. Not to keep anyone in suspense, but I plan on posting about all of those items over the next few days.

For now, I’m doing my best to play catch-up with Caleb. He slept on my chest while we watched a movie, and earlier, he and I made a quick video…

TAGS: Father | Son | Baby | MBA |