[no. 9] Time Passes Too Quickly
My son passed the 6-month milestone 10 days ago, yet it has taken me at least the past week to grapple with how quickly he has grown. It seems like only a few weeks ago he was this fragile little baby that would fall asleep in my lap while I studied for class. Today he is bright and energetic, wanting to have some kind of activity at all waking moments. He’s a wonderful, beautiful, sweet, determined young man that is truly the best gift I could have possibly imagined.
I’ve been missing out on a lot of little things while in class, working, traveling, and hunkered down in front of the computer. He’s been saying, “Da-da-da-da-da…” for a week or two now, and I am convinced that I am going to be away from home the first time he says, “Daddy.” I have control over that, of course, but the prospect of dropping out of school, leaving my business completely untouched, and never leaving my son’s side until I hear him say the magic word just doesn’t seem too logical. Perhaps this kind of dilemma and discomfort are part of the grand scheme of parenting. Maybe I’m supposed to go through these moments of regret and guilt now to prepare me for the realities of how my relationship to my son will develop over the years.
One of my greatest fears is that I won’t be the kind of father that my son deserves. I suppose all dads worry about that, but knowing that they too go through the same plight helps about as much as having a shovel in a blizzard. As each day progresses and my son and I grow older together, I want to have more time with him, not less. And I want each day to bring more simplicity and calmness, not greater complexity and chaos. Where does one go to find that kind of norm?
If all dads worry about the same fate, why do we all spend so much time chasing the wrong things?
Here are some photographs we took of Caleb in the last week:
You make me proud Caleb – I love you very much.
TAGS: This entry was posted on Sunday, February 19th, 2006 at 1:01 am and is filed under CalPoly MBA, On Being A Father.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.